Friday, September 11, 2009

Moment Of Truth Or Dig My Heels In?

I finally read an article by Kelly L. Stone called, How To Break Into National Magazines. Ruby Johnson, the organizer of my writer's group sent it to me. We don't know each other very well so I thought that was especially nice of her to remember that I'm trying to get an article published with no success so far.

While I was reading my heart sank. When you write an article you not only have to cite your quotes, and sources of information, you have to provide written proof, and verification of any material you put into said article. Not only that, quoted sources have to be nationally known experts with contact information. I definitely understand why the process is this way, and maybe I'm lazy, but I just want to write. It all just seems so overwhelming, and can't see past that info. I'm having a crisis in confidence as well. I keep thinking that I'm not good enough to be published. This is/has been a waste of time. How am I going to support myself and the kids if Merwyn dies? What if I can't bring myself to desire and be in love with him again? He killed them in me by punishing me through passive/aggressive behavior for several years. He refuses to deal with any problems that come our way. He has actually admitted that he prefers to sweep things under the rug and doesn't want to face life if he can help it. What if our marriage fails and I want/need to leave? How am I going to support myself and the kids? How will I get health insurance? Or do I stay in a mediocre marriage for the financial support I get? Now you see why my heart sank. I know it's as easy as printing sources on paper when you find them, as well as the contact information for them. But it seems like so much more.

I need a whole lot of help. I'm starting to wonder what I want to do with a writing career. There are so many things to do with one. Should I go back to school (online only), take courses on Writer's Digest, or somehow find a mentor? I don't know. The only thing that is clear to me is that I'm very confused and feel like I can't get anything done. Time is running out. At least it seems that way. I have a talent and I'm going nowhere with it. I don't want fame, but I do want to be able to support myself. That's all. I'm not planning to become a millionare. Although that would be nice.

I did find and join a writer's group online called momwriters. One of the things they specify is that they help people that are just starting out at writing, as well as the seasoned author. They certainly seem like a helping hand to me. I sincerely hope it helps a lot. I feel all alone in this. I can't and don't have anyone to talk to about this that understands. Maybe if I get more active on the WD website I'll develop some friendships like I found Jennie and Shana on DJMB. It sure feels good to vent. Maybe I can write something for Captain Phil. I still need to finish my article about diabetes too. God help me. (please.) Thank you.

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