Sunday, September 13, 2009

Is This A Chat Room? Or Has The World Gone Crazy?

I just got done taking part in a live chat/interview with Captain Phil Harris of the F/V Cornelia Marie on Discovery's Deadliest Catch. The event took place on internet radio's MHBradio - it says it is all heavy metal, but there is a whole lot of classic rock'n'roll too. I need to remember to tell Jennie about this station. She'll love it.

I didn't ask the captain anything - made lots of comments because I didn't think there would be a chance to get a word in edgewise; these chats are packed with fans each wanting their piece of the poor man. He never complains, mind you, and his answers always cordial. Somewhere along the chat he always says he loves it. And probably does.

I can't imagine being a celebrity. I would HATE every minute of the experience. I'm very private, and don't like to open up to anyone. I feel way too exposed. And the thought of people prying into my life would piss me off. Even well intentioned people. But Phil seems to take it all in stride. What a man. Of course the guy has been through hell and back and one of the results of it, I'm sure, is a great "bullshit-o-meter." I'm still breaking mine in.

Anyway, the chat room was packed to the gills - if that's possible for an internet chat room - and when Phil came on, it was like the Indianapolis 500 of questions and comments. Had it been in person, they would have ran right over him. The captain would have been steamrolled, all his clothes would be gone, and locks of his hair AWOL. A bald, naked Phil. hmmmm.....I'd still take him. ;) All these people wanted a piece of him. How does he stand it?? Most of these people seemed like good, well grounded people that just wanted a connection. There were also the kooks that actually proposed marriage. There were women offering the captain blow jobs, sex, kinky stuff, etc. right on the chat. Yikes!! I totally understand being hot for the guy - but come on people!!! Do you really think he will say, "OMG! You're the ONE! I WILL marry you!", or, "The line forms at the left.....", whatever. Where do these people get their ideas?? Are they so down on themselves and starved for love that they have to beg their favorite celebrities in chat rooms to fill the enormous void in their wretched lives?? Or are they just whackos? Or are they normal people just trying to get a rise out of anyone participating or reading the chat? I don't know. There were some doozies though. If you think I'm being too hard on these people, I'm speaking from experience. At one time in my life I truly believed that I had no worth or value as a human being and that it was impossible for anyone to love me. I wasn't worth it. I didn't deserve it. That is a whole 'nother story, but even then I wouldn't have asked Phil to marry me, or to let me give him head in the wheelhouse, yada, yada, yada, etc.

One person named "Crisp" kept asking strange and pointless questions and comments. One of which asked Phil if he ever saw a UFO when he's out in the Bering Sea. In another he told Phil that he worshipped him. Then there was a pushy woman from Texas who boldly and obnoxiously kept verbally throwing herself directly at Captain Phil. It sounded to me like she truly thought that Phil would take her up on her invitation to come to San Antonio and spend time with her; meaning in bed I'm sure. He never answered her, which made her even more obnoxious. I don't blame him. If he ever met her she'd be scary, that's for sure. Phil, if you read this, take a body guard with you if you ever get to San Antonio. Don't worry, it's a huge city. And I hope when you get my package you don't think it was me since I live in Texas too. The chat also contained requests for shout outs, employment inquiries, proposals to give medical services - personal as well as for him and the crew when he's fishing, wanting him to fix his sons up with their daughters, what is his shirt size, where can someone write him and be sure he will read it himself,"will you this....,"" will you that....," " can I?," " can you?," etc., etc. yada, yada, yada.

As far as I'm concerned, it's official: Captain Phil Harris has the patience of Job. At least when it comes to his fans he does. Maybe it's due, in part that he wasn't in the actual presence of some of these people. Helen was doing the typing for him. She caught most of it. What a woman. I guess I'm writing this sort of like in "shell shock." It was like a battle in there. And I can't believe the nerve of some people. Or that a person would sell themselves out as a piece of meat. Don't any of these people realized how foolish they look to the rest of the world? Some seem to be complete idiots. I just don't get it.

Maybe I'm being too critical and judgemental. After all, as much as I hate the term to be used on me, I am a fan of his. {shudders} I know it's stupid and prideful but I can't stand the thought of me being put in the same group as the devotee's and proselytes.

I really like Phil as a human being - at least what I've seen of him, of course I'd be lying if I said he didn't turn me on - he does - in spades. And that's where it stayed. Until I read an article in a car magazine about the Captain and his two sons. The story went really in depth; way back to his childhood. That's where I learned that his Mother died when he was 7. Just think, that's the age when a child's fear of parents dying is at it's strongest. Phil's worst nightmare came true. Wow. Think of what that does to a child. I'm sure his Dad did what he could; It said he took Phil on the fishing boat with him since there was no one to take care of the little guy. Later on I read that he started driving at age 10. He seemed to be the poster child of latch-key kids. I can't remember all that I read, but Phil didn't have a lot of supervision during his adolescent and teen years. And lack of supervison also means lack of protection. And that means that he was fair game for evil minded people, wolves in sheep's clothing, and anyone else who wouldn't think twice about hurting a child. It didn't say what happened to him until he was a senior in high school. One of the counselors, I think, voted him "least likely to succeed." Talk about hurt and embarrassment. I know Phil said he was the class clown, but I don't know about anything else. What impressed me was that he went to work on the fishing boats, and after making over $100,000 at 17 years old, he went to the home of the counselor, which happened to be for sale, walked in and put a paper bag in her face with $45,000 in it - the price of the house. He then told her and her husband to get out. Of course they wouldn't sell it to him, but I was really impressed with how he handled that situation. Kids nowadays would have taken a gun to school and killed her. To get to where he was able to deal with her like he did - it cost him a whole lot. What I mean is that, when you've been through the hell he has, you have to choose everyday, to take the right path. Sometimes several times a day. To do what you know is right. Or if you don't know what is right, the correct path will take you to where the answers are. The part that costs you is when you don't feel like doing that. It's like being asked to jump the Grand Canyon by foot. To even try is torture. You have to keep getting up over, and over, and over again. And sometimes you just don't feel like doing the right thing. Fuck this!! You want to do what you want to do - screw everything else. Sometimes you have to go through this process for years before you finally get to where you can live your life reasonably well. Where you can make the right choices for your life without having to think about all of them. Besides fishing and riding his Harley, I don't know if anything or one helped him to get to where he is. With all that is in this man's past, he is still capeable of love, trust, compassion, empathy, and other positive and beautiful emotions and actions. You can see the love for Josh and Jake, his sons when the camera shows them together. He's crazy about his Dad. When he cares about you he's mushy inside. But I have a feeling he can be a person's worst nightmare if necessary.

If you read my previous blog, Hell Is For Children, you can understand why I feel a real connection to Phil. I don't think there is anything magical about it, it just is what it is. My gift for him is my way of telling him that I understand what it cost him to get to where he is now. There are scars on my soul similar to his. I put my time and talent into something for him because I think he's worth it. I don't want anything from him. I just want him to know that I've been in his shoes. Not the same circumstances, but just as damaging. We will probably never meet in real life, but it makes you feel good to know that you are not the only one. Even if you haven't been bothered by your "events" in a long time.

I need to close this for now. I'm not sure if I'm done with the chatting subject. Stay tuned...

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