It's been awhile since my last blog. The kids are out of school now. I have a feeling this is the summer that David and Rosalie learn the sore lesson that I am not responsible for their entertainment. They have been told this since each was old enough to complain about not having anything to do. It's not like there is absolutely nothing to do during this summer. I'm trying to figure out where we can go for a vacation. Driving west to LA, then up to Seattle via Sequoia National Forest and Yosemite sounds like a plan to me. There are lots of interesting places to stop along the way. On the trip home I would like to go through Yellowstone National Park, then Utah. Sharon says it's incredibly beautiful. We don't have to get back by a certain time since Merwyn is retired now. It's the money he's worried about. That's why I'm going to sit down with him to see for myself. I don't trust him when he says we can't afford something. I need to know what is going on with our money anyway. Maybe we'll meet Captain Phil or other DC members in Seattle while we're there.
Someone else I want to see if we make it there is an old friend who lived on my block in Chicago when we were kids. She was Michele Mortimer, now Doyle. She, her husband, and family live on a nice plot of land around the Seattle area. I found her on Facebook, and they look very happy. I couldn't be happier for her.
In LA I will finally get to meet Jennie in person. She and I met on the DJMB a few years ago, and have been friends ever since. It's funny, she and I are good friends, yet aside from not having met in person, we have not even spoken on the phone. And that's okay with me right now. I don't feel it's necessary. She doesn't either, otherwise Jen would have said something about it. She will tell you what she's really thinking; there are no guessing games with her. I can't wait to meet her, husband Ian, and their furry children. If in LA, the first "hollywood" place I would want to go to is a restaurant called, "Musso and Frank's." This place was there during the golden age of hollywood. It was a favorite haunt of a number of huge movie stars. After that maybe Mann's Chinese Theater, then I don't really care. I'm more interested in seeing the absolute beauty of California. Spending time in Napa Valley sounds intriguing too.
As for other summer activities, I promised myself that I would get the kids swimming lessons this year. They need to learn.I knew how at 7 years old. I'm also going to look and see if there is such a thing as bike riding lessons. We waited so long to get them bikes that they both are too heavy to hang on to the bike while they get used to it. I feel like a bad Mom. I should have not listened to Merwyn. If it was up to him we would do absolutely nothing in our lives. The four of us would sit at home in front of the tv or pc all day long. He likes to live with his head up his ass. Not me. Not the kids. If that's what he wants, he can stay home. Me and the kids will go. We want to have a life. He doesn't. Since his declaration that he never wanted to get married, and my having had enough of his sweeping problems under the rug and not dealing with them, and punishing me for trying to get him to deal with it, I'm having a real hard time feeling any desire for him at all. Before all this I was still in love with him. I still wanted him, sexually. Not anymore. I've been praying to God to get them back. He is in the business of raising the dead, ya know. If they don't come back, I don't know what I'll do. Maybe a vacation will help.
Just noticed the time. DC is on; gotta go. Until next time.......................
Friday, September 11, 2009
Is The Year Half Full Or Half Empty?
It's the last week of school already. Wow! Yesterday was June 1. 2009 is half way over. In three weeks will be the first day of summer that brings with it the longest day of the year. I'm not ready for this. I actually want to enjoy this time of the year. As much as I hate the heat, I don't want the end of the year yet. And anyone who knows me knows just how much I love Autumn.
I found out through one of my writer's groups that the month of November is National Novel Writing Month. During that time there is a contest to write a novel between November 1 and November 30. It doesn't have to be good. It doesn't have to have perfect grammar. It just has to be a coherent novel that is at least 50,000 words or more. They tell you not to do anything but write. No editing is allowed. The purpose of this is to get you to write instead of constantly stopping to correct grammar, ideas, or anything else that keeps you from getting ahead on your novel.
I signed up for this. It's perfect because I'm one of those writers who takes 3 hours to write a 4 paragraph email. I have to have it perfect, all the way around. This will help me quite a bit. In preparation for this exercise in prose I have begun a novel now. Unfortunately I missed writing last night, but I'm going to make up for it today. I usually write about what my major interests are at the moment and this story is no different. It's set in Seattle, (who would have guessed?) and it starts with crab fishermen getting off their boats after two months at sea.(no kidding!)The obvious plot is "girl gets boy" or vice versa. But these women also learn to be their own "knight in shining armour." I haven't figured out a subplot for the men yet. The people at NaNoWriMo say to just write what comes to your head. I can write an outline, which I might do even yet, but I need to stick to writing instead of correcting my grammar. It's not as easy as it sounds. Anyway, of course the characters are based on the guys from Deadliest Catch - not specifically, a little from each guy is in my guys. The ladies are based on not only me, but other strong women who are finding their way, or have discovered that they are supposed to save themselves. It does no good to wait around and wait for "Mr.Right" to swoop in and save you from ________. As women, we need to learn how to do that ourselves first. Especially the wife of a fisherman. The men are gone for months at a time so the lady has to hold down the fort. Aside from normal housewife duties, which are numerous, it includes dealing with household repairs and repairmen, car maintanance, being a Mom and a Dad to the children, lawn and landscaping, etc, etc. During this time she is basically a single Mom. She is the safety net for everyone else and has to put them first. You can't do all this successfully and be a simpering weakling who waits around for someone to make your life better. Women (and men) need to learn to make their own lives better before adding another person to the picture. Anyway, that's the gist of the story, now I have to figure out how to make all those points in to a story.
That's about it for now. I'll keep you posted.
I would like it published when it's all done. Some of these novels that were written in a month became best sellers. After much editing, of course. With as popular as DC is right now, it might strike the fancy of a lot of people.
I found out through one of my writer's groups that the month of November is National Novel Writing Month. During that time there is a contest to write a novel between November 1 and November 30. It doesn't have to be good. It doesn't have to have perfect grammar. It just has to be a coherent novel that is at least 50,000 words or more. They tell you not to do anything but write. No editing is allowed. The purpose of this is to get you to write instead of constantly stopping to correct grammar, ideas, or anything else that keeps you from getting ahead on your novel.
I signed up for this. It's perfect because I'm one of those writers who takes 3 hours to write a 4 paragraph email. I have to have it perfect, all the way around. This will help me quite a bit. In preparation for this exercise in prose I have begun a novel now. Unfortunately I missed writing last night, but I'm going to make up for it today. I usually write about what my major interests are at the moment and this story is no different. It's set in Seattle, (who would have guessed?) and it starts with crab fishermen getting off their boats after two months at sea.(no kidding!)The obvious plot is "girl gets boy" or vice versa. But these women also learn to be their own "knight in shining armour." I haven't figured out a subplot for the men yet. The people at NaNoWriMo say to just write what comes to your head. I can write an outline, which I might do even yet, but I need to stick to writing instead of correcting my grammar. It's not as easy as it sounds. Anyway, of course the characters are based on the guys from Deadliest Catch - not specifically, a little from each guy is in my guys. The ladies are based on not only me, but other strong women who are finding their way, or have discovered that they are supposed to save themselves. It does no good to wait around and wait for "Mr.Right" to swoop in and save you from ________. As women, we need to learn how to do that ourselves first. Especially the wife of a fisherman. The men are gone for months at a time so the lady has to hold down the fort. Aside from normal housewife duties, which are numerous, it includes dealing with household repairs and repairmen, car maintanance, being a Mom and a Dad to the children, lawn and landscaping, etc, etc. During this time she is basically a single Mom. She is the safety net for everyone else and has to put them first. You can't do all this successfully and be a simpering weakling who waits around for someone to make your life better. Women (and men) need to learn to make their own lives better before adding another person to the picture. Anyway, that's the gist of the story, now I have to figure out how to make all those points in to a story.
That's about it for now. I'll keep you posted.
I would like it published when it's all done. Some of these novels that were written in a month became best sellers. After much editing, of course. With as popular as DC is right now, it might strike the fancy of a lot of people.
Blog's First Memorial Day
Welcome to my very first Memorial Day blog. Memorial Day, originally called, Decoration Day, started in the South, just after the Civil War when widows and others would clean up and decorate the graves of fallen Confederate soldiers. In this way they could honor their dead heroes. Pretty soon the tradition went north, and after that the whole nation. I don't know when the name was changed, but now it is a day we remember those who gave their lives so that we may be free.
I'm just going to write a bit about what is going on in my life this weekend. Then next year I'll make a comparison.
This day is Friday, May 22, 2009. The kids are off of school today and Monday. Today, because of an extra day set aside for a snow day they did not use, and Monday, for the obvious. David just came back from his friend Michael's house with his friend Blatin. Rosie still has the cast on her arm and will until June the 5th. Currently she is playing on Merwyn's computer. Merwyn is watching the History Channel. I've got a pot roast in the oven. I've got potatoes in with it browning in melted Crisco. There are also homemade Potato Rosemary dinner rolls.
Currently I'm into the Deadliest Catch. Captain Phil is my favorite. Jonathan runs a close second. These guys are real. They are themselves and make no apologies for it. I have a chance to meet Phil on Wednsday in Stillwater, OK, but I need someone to go with me. I'm going to ask Mary. If not, then I won't go. I'll wait until next time. I do hope I get to one day.
Denise and I were talking last night. She said that she thinks Phil and Johnathan can really party hearty. I totally agree, and would love to party with them. I haven't "partied" in years, but it would be fun with those guys. I can't drink as much as I used to because of the diabetes, but I can still get a nice buzz going. I don't like to get drunk.
Denise is a new friend I met on Facebook through Deadliest Catch or Phil's website. We found that we have an awful lot in common. So much so it's spooky. LOL! She's my partner in crime when it comes to DC, Phil, and Johnathan.
Tomorrow Phil is going to be on an internet radio station. I want to listen in - I hope I remember.
Well, the dinner came out delicious. I wish I had more room to eat more, but I don't want to be miserable. We are about to go to Target and Bath&Body Works. I need some more of their body scrub. The cheaper ones from stores like WalMart are okay, but not nearly as good as B&BW. David is staying home because he broke his glasses today and has to wear his old ones. They drive him up a wall. Merwyn took him to get them fixed, and the eye doctor's place had to order a new frame.
I may blog later. If not, until tomorrow.........;)
I'm just going to write a bit about what is going on in my life this weekend. Then next year I'll make a comparison.
This day is Friday, May 22, 2009. The kids are off of school today and Monday. Today, because of an extra day set aside for a snow day they did not use, and Monday, for the obvious. David just came back from his friend Michael's house with his friend Blatin. Rosie still has the cast on her arm and will until June the 5th. Currently she is playing on Merwyn's computer. Merwyn is watching the History Channel. I've got a pot roast in the oven. I've got potatoes in with it browning in melted Crisco. There are also homemade Potato Rosemary dinner rolls.
Currently I'm into the Deadliest Catch. Captain Phil is my favorite. Jonathan runs a close second. These guys are real. They are themselves and make no apologies for it. I have a chance to meet Phil on Wednsday in Stillwater, OK, but I need someone to go with me. I'm going to ask Mary. If not, then I won't go. I'll wait until next time. I do hope I get to one day.
Denise and I were talking last night. She said that she thinks Phil and Johnathan can really party hearty. I totally agree, and would love to party with them. I haven't "partied" in years, but it would be fun with those guys. I can't drink as much as I used to because of the diabetes, but I can still get a nice buzz going. I don't like to get drunk.
Denise is a new friend I met on Facebook through Deadliest Catch or Phil's website. We found that we have an awful lot in common. So much so it's spooky. LOL! She's my partner in crime when it comes to DC, Phil, and Johnathan.
Tomorrow Phil is going to be on an internet radio station. I want to listen in - I hope I remember.
Well, the dinner came out delicious. I wish I had more room to eat more, but I don't want to be miserable. We are about to go to Target and Bath&Body Works. I need some more of their body scrub. The cheaper ones from stores like WalMart are okay, but not nearly as good as B&BW. David is staying home because he broke his glasses today and has to wear his old ones. They drive him up a wall. Merwyn took him to get them fixed, and the eye doctor's place had to order a new frame.
I may blog later. If not, until tomorrow.........;)
Despondence Unlimited
Well, here I am again. I've been lazy the last day or two. Actually, my depression has been triggered and I have been dealing with it the last few weeks. I received an email with an attachment that gives insider information as to how to write an article for a magazine, and all it entails. The article sounded like it was saying that what I have done is all wrong, all the effort, and work, myself, was all wrong for it. Of course from there I start to think that I don't have what it takes to be a writer. No matter how hard I try I'll always get it all wrong.
If I talk to anyone about it most of the time I feel like I'll be told to get over it and to stop feeling this way. No one stops to wonder why I feel this way. It seems to me that if you deal with that then those feelings can't rear its ugly head anymore. But instead I feel like I'm told that I' m letting my past influence me too much.
I went and saw Alan today. We had been down to once a month therapy sessions, but he thinks he'll want to see me in two weeks this time.
I know if I want to be a writer I can't let rejection in any form get me to quit. I'm sure I'll face much bigger and worse rejection than this. Of course there is also the possibility that another issue from my past is ready to be dealt with - and is rearing it's ugly head.
I'm down on myself for not buckling down and writing everyday. There is no reason not to. Even it's it's 15 minutes a day. I just keep overwhelming myself with expectations that are too high too. I was sure my article about mikeroweWORKS would be published. Most writers don't get published for a long time once they decide to write. I still have to finish my diabetes article. I think I'm procrastinating with that because I have not lost anymore weight like I should be doing. Thankfully I have not gained any, but I really want to keep losing - I'm tired of being this weight - I know I can look better. Alan says I need some support; support from someone who shares my beliefs about God and His plan for our lives. More on this later. Deadliest Catch is coming on now. Hopefully Captain Phil will be on it this week. Go*! what that man does to me!
If I talk to anyone about it most of the time I feel like I'll be told to get over it and to stop feeling this way. No one stops to wonder why I feel this way. It seems to me that if you deal with that then those feelings can't rear its ugly head anymore. But instead I feel like I'm told that I' m letting my past influence me too much.
I went and saw Alan today. We had been down to once a month therapy sessions, but he thinks he'll want to see me in two weeks this time.
I know if I want to be a writer I can't let rejection in any form get me to quit. I'm sure I'll face much bigger and worse rejection than this. Of course there is also the possibility that another issue from my past is ready to be dealt with - and is rearing it's ugly head.
I'm down on myself for not buckling down and writing everyday. There is no reason not to. Even it's it's 15 minutes a day. I just keep overwhelming myself with expectations that are too high too. I was sure my article about mikeroweWORKS would be published. Most writers don't get published for a long time once they decide to write. I still have to finish my diabetes article. I think I'm procrastinating with that because I have not lost anymore weight like I should be doing. Thankfully I have not gained any, but I really want to keep losing - I'm tired of being this weight - I know I can look better. Alan says I need some support; support from someone who shares my beliefs about God and His plan for our lives. More on this later. Deadliest Catch is coming on now. Hopefully Captain Phil will be on it this week. Go*! what that man does to me!
Good Morning, Got To Chat With Captain Phil
Good Morning,
Got to chat with Captain Phil Harris of Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel. He was gracious enough to take time out of his evening to chat with 75 or so of his closest friends and fans. The site was so busy that it lagged a whole lot, many got bumped off the site several times. Thankfully I got bumped only once. I think they are going to expand the bandwidth so this doesn't happen again.
Anyway, Phil is a terrific guy, - my gut instinct tells me so. He's very down-to-earth, unpretentious, and isn't afraid to say what he really thinks. All the captains and crew are this way and Phil says he doesn't understand why women like their show so much. If you are a woman reading this you are probably laughing. Why?!! Most women want a guy that is the "real deal". Besides, everytime these guys go to sea there is a good chance they are not coming back. It takes a tough person to do that. Tough = manly. Manly = testosterone. Any red-blooded heterosexual female is attracted to that. mm...mmm! Yummy! We could wallow in all that testosterone all day long. Yes, it's true. We just don't advertise the fact. It's the nature of the job - like a fireman. I've never seen an unattractive fireman.
In addition to all that sex appeal, I think women genuinely are interested in what goes into a job like that. Our intellect is just as piqued as our physical desire. And although I've never heard any women mention it, there are no boats there with any or all female crew. I think we couldn't do that job. It's not an insult to women, we are more than capeable of most things in life, but I think most women are not physically strong enough do crab fish this way.
Got to chat with Captain Phil Harris of Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel. He was gracious enough to take time out of his evening to chat with 75 or so of his closest friends and fans. The site was so busy that it lagged a whole lot, many got bumped off the site several times. Thankfully I got bumped only once. I think they are going to expand the bandwidth so this doesn't happen again.
Anyway, Phil is a terrific guy, - my gut instinct tells me so. He's very down-to-earth, unpretentious, and isn't afraid to say what he really thinks. All the captains and crew are this way and Phil says he doesn't understand why women like their show so much. If you are a woman reading this you are probably laughing. Why?!! Most women want a guy that is the "real deal". Besides, everytime these guys go to sea there is a good chance they are not coming back. It takes a tough person to do that. Tough = manly. Manly = testosterone. Any red-blooded heterosexual female is attracted to that. mm...mmm! Yummy! We could wallow in all that testosterone all day long. Yes, it's true. We just don't advertise the fact. It's the nature of the job - like a fireman. I've never seen an unattractive fireman.
In addition to all that sex appeal, I think women genuinely are interested in what goes into a job like that. Our intellect is just as piqued as our physical desire. And although I've never heard any women mention it, there are no boats there with any or all female crew. I think we couldn't do that job. It's not an insult to women, we are more than capeable of most things in life, but I think most women are not physically strong enough do crab fish this way.
Phil, if you're reading this, and I hope you do, I hope that gives you an answer to that question of yours. There may be plans for another chat next week. I hope so, and I hope they increase the bandwidth.
I've got more to get off my chest about this whole interest in Deadliest Catch and Phil Harris. Until then I leave you with some eye candy of him.
Moment Of Truth Or Dig My Heels In?
I finally read an article by Kelly L. Stone called, How To Break Into National Magazines. Ruby Johnson, the organizer of my writer's group sent it to me. We don't know each other very well so I thought that was especially nice of her to remember that I'm trying to get an article published with no success so far.
While I was reading my heart sank. When you write an article you not only have to cite your quotes, and sources of information, you have to provide written proof, and verification of any material you put into said article. Not only that, quoted sources have to be nationally known experts with contact information. I definitely understand why the process is this way, and maybe I'm lazy, but I just want to write. It all just seems so overwhelming, and can't see past that info. I'm having a crisis in confidence as well. I keep thinking that I'm not good enough to be published. This is/has been a waste of time. How am I going to support myself and the kids if Merwyn dies? What if I can't bring myself to desire and be in love with him again? He killed them in me by punishing me through passive/aggressive behavior for several years. He refuses to deal with any problems that come our way. He has actually admitted that he prefers to sweep things under the rug and doesn't want to face life if he can help it. What if our marriage fails and I want/need to leave? How am I going to support myself and the kids? How will I get health insurance? Or do I stay in a mediocre marriage for the financial support I get? Now you see why my heart sank. I know it's as easy as printing sources on paper when you find them, as well as the contact information for them. But it seems like so much more.
I need a whole lot of help. I'm starting to wonder what I want to do with a writing career. There are so many things to do with one. Should I go back to school (online only), take courses on Writer's Digest, or somehow find a mentor? I don't know. The only thing that is clear to me is that I'm very confused and feel like I can't get anything done. Time is running out. At least it seems that way. I have a talent and I'm going nowhere with it. I don't want fame, but I do want to be able to support myself. That's all. I'm not planning to become a millionare. Although that would be nice.
I did find and join a writer's group online called momwriters. One of the things they specify is that they help people that are just starting out at writing, as well as the seasoned author. They certainly seem like a helping hand to me. I sincerely hope it helps a lot. I feel all alone in this. I can't and don't have anyone to talk to about this that understands. Maybe if I get more active on the WD website I'll develop some friendships like I found Jennie and Shana on DJMB. It sure feels good to vent. Maybe I can write something for Captain Phil. I still need to finish my article about diabetes too. God help me. (please.) Thank you.
While I was reading my heart sank. When you write an article you not only have to cite your quotes, and sources of information, you have to provide written proof, and verification of any material you put into said article. Not only that, quoted sources have to be nationally known experts with contact information. I definitely understand why the process is this way, and maybe I'm lazy, but I just want to write. It all just seems so overwhelming, and can't see past that info. I'm having a crisis in confidence as well. I keep thinking that I'm not good enough to be published. This is/has been a waste of time. How am I going to support myself and the kids if Merwyn dies? What if I can't bring myself to desire and be in love with him again? He killed them in me by punishing me through passive/aggressive behavior for several years. He refuses to deal with any problems that come our way. He has actually admitted that he prefers to sweep things under the rug and doesn't want to face life if he can help it. What if our marriage fails and I want/need to leave? How am I going to support myself and the kids? How will I get health insurance? Or do I stay in a mediocre marriage for the financial support I get? Now you see why my heart sank. I know it's as easy as printing sources on paper when you find them, as well as the contact information for them. But it seems like so much more.
I need a whole lot of help. I'm starting to wonder what I want to do with a writing career. There are so many things to do with one. Should I go back to school (online only), take courses on Writer's Digest, or somehow find a mentor? I don't know. The only thing that is clear to me is that I'm very confused and feel like I can't get anything done. Time is running out. At least it seems that way. I have a talent and I'm going nowhere with it. I don't want fame, but I do want to be able to support myself. That's all. I'm not planning to become a millionare. Although that would be nice.
I did find and join a writer's group online called momwriters. One of the things they specify is that they help people that are just starting out at writing, as well as the seasoned author. They certainly seem like a helping hand to me. I sincerely hope it helps a lot. I feel all alone in this. I can't and don't have anyone to talk to about this that understands. Maybe if I get more active on the WD website I'll develop some friendships like I found Jennie and Shana on DJMB. It sure feels good to vent. Maybe I can write something for Captain Phil. I still need to finish my article about diabetes too. God help me. (please.) Thank you.
Deadliest Catch/Mother's Day Post
I hope everyone had a great Mother's Day. I did. Hubby and the kids took me to lunch at an italian place called Zio's. The food was delicious and we had a nice time. Then came home and watched the Deadliest Catch marathon the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. By that time I needed some "alone time" so I went to the store to get some things we needed for the week. It was so nice to browse wherever and whatever I wanted without having to herd the children through the store. When I got home the kids had made a red velvet cake with cream cheese icing. It was the first time either of them made a cake without adult help. They did pretty good too. There were decorations and candles on it so we lit them and the kids sang "Happy Deadliest Catch Mother's Day to you...." They even printed the attached two pictures and placed them next to the cake. Isn't that something? I just love that picture of Captain Phil.
I'm late posting; I had to finish editing yesterday's blog. It's long past night night time. My comfy bed, blanket, and pillows are calling to me. "Claaaiiirrre! Claaaaiirre! You are getting VERY sleeeeeepy! Your eyelids are VERY HEAVY!! Sleeeeeeep!........."
ut oh! ;)
I'm late posting; I had to finish editing yesterday's blog. It's long past night night time. My comfy bed, blanket, and pillows are calling to me. "Claaaiiirrre! Claaaaiirre! You are getting VERY sleeeeeepy! Your eyelids are VERY HEAVY!! Sleeeeeeep!........."
ut oh! ;)
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